Toxic Femininity and the need for safe spaces

I’ll first try to define the term with its inversion. What is positive femininity, the femininity that we – as men – value. It’s not just youth and beauty above all, even though men are biologically informed to select a partner with these traits. What I’m looking for are character attributes and everyday behavior. These behaviors and traits have their roots in biology in the sense that families and tribes whose women lack these traits or don’t nurture them are evolutionary losers. Some of you might think that positive femininity and positive masculinity aren’t that much different. Those who do are either feminists, effeminate wimps or gay, whereas the latter case is a valid and reasonable exception.

Happiness is a trait men most notably value in women. Why else would we shower you girls with gifts, flowers, free vacation trips and whatnot. No man wants to come home to his wife being snapped at to carry the trash out, or to hear complaints about not demonstrating his love with roses and presents every day, or to look at her miserable face that exudes negativity or barely concealed hatred. No Thanks, I’d rather come home to an empty apartment. Of course we enjoy the happiness of our male friends at any social events as well, but chumminess is not that much appreciated at the workplace where we spend most of our time. That’s the place where we are ready to fight and seriously strife for achievements.

Kindness and Gentleness are expected of an intimate partner. We are usually already aware of our shortcomings and don’t need someone occupying the other part of the bed who continuously reminds us of them. We love women more if they accept our deficiencies than if they admire us for our strengths. We also request that your kindness is mainly directed to us, then constantly decreasing towards our kids, our families, our tribe, our country, culture, etc. The virtue signaling of women for the benefit of strangers disqualifies them as potential partners. I expect a friend to remind me that my zipper is open (again!!!) or a workmate to correct me if I’m in error, no matter how rude.

Even though we admire youth and beauty in women, we find it repulsive if you shamelessly abuse your temporary biological privileges. Obviously, pretty young women can select among the richest, most powerful and physically most attractive men available to them. We know about your hypergamy and have to accept it. But after you have chosen, modesty and fidelity is the order of the day. If you remind me that this Ferrari driver over there might appreciate your firm C-cup boobies as well, you’re not getting any popularity points from me, you’re getting optionality points. A 30 plus year old, visibly aging women who’s fishing for a partner in a nightclub or disco is a truly sad sight to behold. Frankly it’s a clear indication of narcissism. Men don’t particularly like shoddy guys or braggarts but it’s part of an accepted ritual to sort out who’s where in the hierarchy.

We like women who are understanding and supportive. There are no guarantees for health or success for men, even if feminists love to overgeneralize from a few very rich and powerful men to an elusive patriarchy. A women who absconds at the first indication of sickness or economic failure of her partner has no value at all, she’s just an additional burden. “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part” is part of the traditional Christian wedding vows for good reason. Men expect understanding and support from their male friends as well, but there are clear boundaries. There are no limits to this in an intimate relationship, if you can’t uphold your vow, permanently and reciprocally, the relationship must fail.

Trustworthiness is the backbone of a profound, authentic and satisfying relationship. This must of course be reciprocal. If one has to play-act in order to dissemble one’s emotions, a relationship becomes very fragile. If one is not worthy of trust, trust will never emerge. Sadly the rug has been pulled out under this with the feminist shaped family law in the divorce courts, effectively inhibiting men to invest in a trusting relationship. Men appreciate trustworthiness in a business partner as well, and it is the basis of a smooth business relationship. But we use contracts and contract law to ensure that in case of a contract breech the guilty party has to pay damages. Family law has become so one-sided in favor of women, any man who fully trusts his spouse is stupid and will lose everything when the divorce-reapers have chewed him up. Today a man has to protect himself from day one when he enters a relationship which causes the modern day superficial ties, in which nobody trusts each other.

A man sees the spouse always as a mother figure. She needs to be the caregiver, not only for him but also for the kids in her role as a mother. That goes way beyond being kind and gentle as mentioned above. The guy who goes out into the dangerous hostile world – even if it’s only for eight hours in a cubicle – needs his psychological (and physical) wounds from his daily fight treated at home. You expect your male friends to school you how to fight. You expect your wife to care for you with an emotional band-aid when you need it. That means for example, that you still get a blow-job, even if your raise or promotion fell through 😉

The last point I make here is cultivated femininity. In particular, feminist “culture” has made women assimilate male traits. What do short haired, fat, scruffy, power hungry, aggressive women have in common with an attractive potential female partner? Very little or nothing. Such women can’t fulfill any of our needs, they are competitors who need to be defeated. Cultivated femininity doesn’t mean we want weak, submissive wallflowers. It means that we appreciate the biological predisposition of women, as outlined in the 6 points above, as their strength. There’s a flood of feminist oriented “studies” that proclaim women to be happier at the workplace, and men to be happier at home. Of course they mainly polled women who work and have kids at home; the “we can have it all” crew is unhappy, who would have thunk… Everyone is happier at home, if you don’t believe me, read some Marx. Opposing arguments, like those presented by Gavin McInnes, regularly result in feminist shitstorms.

The outcome of all these feminist campaigning is that women become more narcissistic and unable to recognize how destructive that is for themselves and society. Narcissistic women go for extremes. They want to have a successful career and be a good mother at the same time, are unhappy that it doesn’t work out and blame men for their failure. They have low/fragile self-esteem and are desperate for continuous positive self-verification (like the daily selfie post on Facebook, checking every minute if they got at least 10 likes). Many of them think they have to meet the highest standards of perfection and attractivity until they retire or die. For this perfect picture of themselves they are willing to go for risky diets, excessive jogging or other sports, use cosmetics like warpaint and book their nip and tuck before the first wrinkles appear. Most pretend to be engaged, happy and confident, but become hyper-sensitive if they pick up on the slightest whisper of criticism.

Living together with such a narcissist is horrible for any man and will end in separation any time. Which man wants to have a Donald Trump character inside a female body lying beside him in bed. Even if it was the female body of Miss World, you couldn’t take it anymore after a while. Toxic femininity is, when women don’t want to be feminine anymore.

Go into your safe spaces …

… use them for therapy and then come out of them.

Much has been written about the safe spaces that are demanded by feminists on university campuses in the US. Like many good and a lot of bad ideas from the US, they spread around the world and are adopted by many Europeans first. I agree with Milo Yiannopoulos who says “If you demand a safe space at a university, you shouldn’t be here in the first place” and disagree with him at the same time. Since these young people (mainly women) are there already and want to bunker themselves in, in their safe spaces, let’s use these areas where they suck their thumbs and watch puppy videos to give them the help they desperately need.

I’m going all Freudian on you here. There’s a reason these young adults actually need these safe spaces and it’s not even their own fault and they don’t realize why. Safe-spacers hurt, they hurt badly and it’s a result of their upbringing, their childhood. Every time you put a finger on their childhood wounds they cry out in pain, want to run back into their nursery, crawl under the blankets and weep. Their wounds are not necessarily the bodily memory of the slaps or beatings they got from their parents or peers in childhood, although these are the deepest and most persistent wounds. When they are triggered by words, it’s often not play-acting but some words strike a nerve of a psychological damage that has been inflicted on them when they were a helpless child.

Someone once said, that you love your kids and send them to college in order for them to have a better life and then they come back hating you. That is true so often and I think that if this happens to you as a parent you probably deserve it. Parenting is hard, but especially so in an environment that is changing so dramatically in a single lifetime. The effects of this present themselves more clearly in Europe than in the US. Some psychologists analyze the effects the century of world wars had on the grandchildren generation of those who survived WW2. My grandparents who fought and survived the second world war were severely traumatized for the rest of their lives. With few exceptions they couldn’t even talk about what they did and how they got through it. The few recounts of the events I got to hear were presented haltingly and strangely left out many details. They had to wall in these painful memories and every time they accessed them it became obvious that they couldn’t cope with it. You can listen and empathize with them when they tell stories about having to shoot deserters, or going without food and melting snow for water for a week in some remote part of Russia, or running into a bomb shelter with their kids when the sirens started wailing and digging their way out after an allied bombing campaign. You can never re-feel what they felt, and thank God you can’t.

Their only way to escape the trauma was to look forward, rebuild out of the rubble, trying to give their children a better future without the senseless violence of war. But as much as they tried to fulfill the material needs of their kids, they couldn’t fulfill their emotional needs. They had seen the abyss of humanity (and were part of it), so they were rather unaccepting of the little needs of their kids for comfort and liberty. “You have it so much better than we had it. Shut up and comply.” – “A whiny little bitch like you would have died on the first day of combat at the Russian front”, these are some of the psychological hurts my parent generation (those who were born in the 30’s to 50’s) has grown up with. At the same time – and ever since post WW2 – it was punched into their brains that National Socialism is pure evil and must never be allowed to repeat itself. My parents had to function in the emotional void created by my grandparents. A void needs to be filled and, oh boy, did they.

The privation of emotional needs clashes with the inert blind love a child has to its parents. A solution has to be found and it cannot come from mommy and daddy. Ideologies offer emotional solutions to fill the void, any ideology but the Nazi-ideology of course. As an aside: the “National” part of the Nazi ideology has been defined as the vile culprit of the evil, the “Socialism” part of it has been widely ignored. I see this as the root cause of the self destructive policies of today’s Germany and Europe. Ideologies like Feminism, Neo-Liberalism, Socialism and Communism as well as Christian Fundamentalism were all acceptable, even pot-smoking feel-good Nothingness or orange-clad Hare-Krishna chanting hippies had their day in the sun. My parent generation lead mostly a meaningless life. The values of their parents had been destroyed by reality, and they had to patch up themselves with some new ideology and new band-aid was available in the supermarkets, electronic stores and car dealerships. This is the foundation of my generation. What our parents gave us was some mashed up ideologies and consumerism. Until now we were unable to escape, our kids are indoctrinated with this stupidity in schools and colleges. Why do we wonder that our kids have no sound values and drift into even more extreme ideologies. We couldn’t give them any sound values because we had none ourselves.

Our children barricade themselves in safe space college nurseries, because the empty values we gave them are incompatible with nature and reality. Those who cling to Christian values seem much saner than those who have grown up with feminist, (neo)liberal or socialist indoctrination. No wonder Feminists, Liberals and Socialists don’t mind the introduction of Muslim ideologies in Europe and the USA. Why not hail LGBT…(add any character you like) if they have no family values or mainly negative experiences. Why not get a degree in gender studies or African-American studies, since nothing makes sense anymore. If your own culture makes no sense, you can as well hail Multiculturalism. Emotionally empty vessels can be filled with any crap; their minds can be filled with pseudo-science based hate just as easily as the minds of the Germans in the 1930’s could be filled with the hatred of Jews.

So, let them have their safe spaces, but put therapists in there as well. Let them find a way to get re-acquainted with sound science, with reason and evidence. Let them develop their own values on this basis and find a path that leads away from the self-destructive behavior that we as parents have set as an example. If we swiftly rip off their Feminism band-aid they might just replace it with some other self-destructive ideology. They have no reason to trust us and our false values make no sense to them as they make no more sense to many of us. Let’s make a last ditch effort to heal Rome before it falls to the barbarians. Lastly, let’s ditch uncle Scrooge who gets an erection when he dives into his money bin; gold coins don’t get babies, women do.

Sources used for this article:

http://www.theprimalmale.com/7-traits-men-find-attractive-women/

http://gender-universum.de/der-moderne-feminismus-ist-schlecht/

http://www.alice-miller.com/en/home/

PS: All my blog posts can be re-blogged under “Creative Commons Attribution-Non Commercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International”. I use the non commercial provision mainly to prevent professional media to make money off of it or hide them behind a paywall without my knowledge. Any blog/website on my “Blogs I Follow” list is welcome to re-blog, even if they use commercial ads.

 

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One thought on “Toxic Femininity and the need for safe spaces

  1. Thanks for translating.
    My grandfather also fought in WWII, never talked about in. In Papua New Guinea.
    Too right about the narcissism. I can’t believe how many photos girls take of themselves these days. About 50 per week. Once upon a time they’d have been embarrassed to get caught out in such vanity. Today they post it online for the world to see.

    Like

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